Wow. It's been a while. And I'm not even sure why I'm writing tonight except for the fact that I feel like writing. I really should be heading to bed. However, it seems like every time I go to bed (especially when I try to go to bed early) I can't sleep for all the thoughts bouncing around inside my head. It wouldn't seem like there would be all that much room in there with all the voices, but apparently there's enough to share.
I enjoy writing. It works better for me than talking, since I can get my thoughts out on "paper", see them, and then retype them to sound better. It's like an "inner monologue" that I can read and edit instead of saying stupid stuff. (To anyone who really knows me...you know the drill. You understand that it's way better that I write it instead of trying to get my thoughts to come out of my mouth correctly. See? This is where I need God soooo desperately when talking to people. Or talking at all.) So, ordinarily I type stuff on the computer, save it for another time, re-read it another day, edit it, maybe post it someday on a blog, not expecting anyone to read it or even care. So tonight, instead, I'm just going to put my thoughts out here.
Cut to the chase. God has been telling me for some time that I am a coward. Not that I realized it, and He didn't come right out and say it, but in subtle ways over the past month or two, I have gotten that message. I was thinking the other day that I live in a pretty sheltered bubble. I have friends from church, mainly, that I am in contact with most. Other than that, it's the occasional smile at a person in the grocery store (usually I ignore people, not purposely, it's just because I'm in my own little world and sticking to my list), or a wave at a new neighbor, since it's not warm enough outside for people to be venturing out much.
So I realized the other day that I rarely talk to people that don't have Jesus in their life, and if I ever do talk to moms in the girls' school classes, or anyone else, it's small talk and you don't ever get down to deep subjects like salvation. So why is that? Why is it, that something that important in life (and beyond!) is so unimportant to me - or seemingly so?
Since I'm sure I'm not the only one that God has talked to about this subject, I'm going to go ahead and speak (ok, write) as if you are part of this whole thing too. So...I ask again... Why is it, that something that important in life (and beyond!) is so unimportant to US - or seemingly so?
Well, I guess it's because we're cowards and don't want to come out and ask someone if they know the Lord or ask them if they realize that their "faith" is counterfeit, or that they're brainwashed and following a cult? OK. That's harsh, I know it can be nicer or more subtle than that. But does it have to be? I'm just saying. Jesus wasn't always super nice, he was sowing seeds in some crazy places and was ridiculed - and He told us that the same thing would happen to us. IF we are actually doing His work. Are we? Seriously, why is it that we don't come right out and talk about something so important? I guess it's because we don't want to rock the boat. "I don't want to judge them." "I don't want to seem like I'm pushing my religion on them." " I don't want to be judgmental, but..." "I don't want to offend anyone." I'm not making those up. If you haven't thought one of those recently, either you're seasoned at evangelism or you're lying to yourself, or maybe you also live in your own little bubble.
OK. Here's the deal. Again, if you know me at all, you know that I do not believe in coincidences. God is in control and whatever happens to us is filtered through His hands and He has allowed things to happen in our lives for certain reasons. If I say that I believe this about "coincidence", then I am contradicting myself if I do not take every opportunity He gives me.
If I am sitting in McDonald's talking to a mom from school while our kids are playing on the playground thingy, and if I don't show Jesus to her, somehow, then I have wasted that opportunity. [Keep in mind here that I still feel like a coward as I write this. I have no idea what I would have said to that mom, I just know that I needed to say something, and God would have given me the words, if I'd let Him have the chance.] How many wasted opportunities have we all experienced? How many of those opportunities can we NOT waste tomorrow?
So there we have it...more ramblings. It's how I roll. Bottom line: I need to quit making excuses for not sharing the Gospel. I am not ashamed of the Gospel of Christ! I need to tell people about it and not worry about what people think of me. I can post my blogs or whatever online, and not worry what other people think of me. I can sing praises to the Lord and not be ashamed for showing emotion, for being exuberant, for being excited about Jesus. I can be a witness, in line at the grocery store, or online on a message board. I don't care if someone doesn't agree with me. It's my opinion, right?
Well, actually, it's the Truth. Jesus.
Jesus said, "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No one comes to the Father but through me."
John 14:6
So there you have it.