It's a beautiful day.

The sky is blue, the sun is shining, and there are many things to do. But first...a word from our Sponsor. Actually, our Creator. The verse for the day is this, and I haven't even looked at it yet. It will be a surprise. :-)

Ah, Sovereign Lord, you have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and outstretched arm. Nothing is too hard for you. — Jeremiah 32:17

Well, there it is. Whatever it is that you're going through today, God is bigger. He loves you and gave his Son for you! How amazing is that?!?

That's really it, I just went to look something up here on my blog and was reminded that I haven't posted for over a year. Much has happened, but one day I'll catch you up. In the meantime, remember the truths I told you above. It's not *my* truth, it's God's truth.


Something to think about.

What Happens Next?

Life has been a whirlwind since my last post. It was the first of May - and May ended up being one of the busiest months I've had in a long time. On the 4th of May, my dear friend and sister Kari went home to be with our Lord. She passed very early in the morning, and things were just as she had wanted them: her family all around her, except for her kids, who were each with a non-family "family" member. She didn't want them to have to see her in that state, and it was her wish that they not have to go through that part of it. Things were just as she wanted. She was completely coherent until the moment she went home.

I got to see her on the afternoon before she passed; she was alert and coherent; however she was unable to speak (unless it was *absolutely* necessary). She "spoke" with raised eyebrows or short vocalizations. She just didn't have the energy. And that was ok. Because we all knew that she knew exactly what was happening. I got to talk to her a bit, pray with her and for her. I thank God for that privilege.

The next week was when the whirlwind started. Because Kari was a part of a quartet that we sang in together, we were asked to sing at the memorial service. 4 of us gals got together for a couple days before the service to practice a song to sing. At different points in the quartet's history, there were 5 of us who sang at different points in time. We've become a little family. This quartet is one of the greatest blessings God has given me in music. The song we chose was "Circle of Friends", because 1), she was such an important part of our lives, 2), we knew how large a circle she had touched, and 3), it was a song that we knew and (some of us) had sung before and could prepare quickly. :) What a blessing, to be able to sing at the service, and God held us up through the entire song - we made it all the way through without any tears. I know there's no other way *I* would have made it through. (Thank you Lord!!)

So on Wednesday we had the memorial service at our church, and what an amazing sight to see how many people her life had touched. The place was packed, standing room only. There were probably over 600 people there. There were people from all walks of life, and so many people had wonderful things to say about her and how she touched their lives. I think every one of her girlfriends felt like Kari was her best friend. That's just how she affected people. I'm not usually one to claim a "best friend", except for my husband. But I know that for me, she was definitely one of my best girl friends - really, she was a sister. I've said it before. It's simply true. She was one of the people who I felt knew me for who I *really* am - not who I used to be, and not what they *think* I am. Just who I am, now, who God has made me. I appreciated that so much about her.

The day after the memorial service, 3 friends and I got in a van and drove to Montana, to be with her family at her graveside service on Friday afternoon. It was one of the most amazing times. On the 8-hour drive (each way), the four of us bonded, shared memories about Kari, and had a wonderful time sharing "Kari's Montana" with each other. The weather couldn't have been more perfect, and what a blessing to be counted as her family, *by* her family. We were so blessed.

The graveside service was very special; the pastor of her parents' church gave a wonderful message, and a gentleman sang "It Is Well With My Soul" afterward - what a sound, hearing all these people, including many family members, singing along, and the truth of the song ringing through the air. It really *is* well with my soul. God is in control, and for some reason, unknown to us at this time, has a purpose to taking Kari home at this time in her life. Although we have to now live with that "unknown", we still have peace because we understand that God's plan is perfect. We trust in him. It is will with our souls.

After the service, as is a tradition in their family, the sharpies came out and everyone who wanted to was allowed to write a little note on the casket. That was so special. At first I wasn't sure what to think about it, but as it turned out, it was amazing. What a wonderful way to send off one more last tangible thought - to say one "last word".

Later that day we returned to Kari's parents' house up on the hill...they have a beautiful place. We sat on the porch, visited, just had a good time sharing together. Later that night we got to experience another family tradition: Pinecone Baseball. What a fun time together with this family that we love and that accepted us as part of their family. When the day was over and we drove back to our hotel, we all agreed that it was one of the best. days. EVER.

Honestly, I wasn't sure I really needed to go on this trip, I felt I probably had enough closure at the memorial service. But I'm so glad I went, it was so healing, and a wonderful way to bond with these 3 amazing women who I also count as very dear friends. I am so thankful for them, even more now than ever, since we had the experience together saying goodbye to our friend and sister, Kareen.

The next day was my birthday; my girlfriends took me to breakfast, and then we "crashed" a birthday celebration to surprise Selah (Kari's youngest daughter, born on my birthday 12 years ago). After that, we drove the 8 hours home and again, had a wonderful time together.

Kari's Montana: Circle of Friends

The next three weeks were filled with busy-ness! I'm not complaining; don't get me wrong. Not at all. It was just busy. And honestly, I'm not used to "busy". Life is not usually like this for me. :)

First, there was a Classical Conversations Parent Practicum. In a nutshell, it's a parent teaching session for our homeschool community. That weekend we went to Dallas (Oregon) to the Parker Estate (my parents' house). We celebrated Emma's 14th birthday on Saturday, and took in one of my mom's band concerts. The next weekend was my annual yard sale, which is always fun, and since Kari was always involved with us, it was another few days of memories (and garbage trucks). The week after that was the last week of May (thank goodness!). A couple of those days included homeschool testing. The state requires us to have our kids tested every year. So by the end of that week, which was the end of the month, I was so ready for May to be O-VER.

I know it's silly, it's just that I felt like once May was gone, I could relax a little bit. And it's true - June has been much better so far. :) I still have to get my house clean this week, but I feel like it's a job that can be done without quite such a busy schedule.

So that's it. That's what's happened since my last post.
It's been a whirlwind, but it's ok. It's life. Full of ups and downs!

So here's my question: What happens next?

What happens after you lose a friend and sister?
After so many of your friends have also lost the same friend?
After people who are family to you, have lost a wife and mother?

Well, what happens next, is that we keep on keepin' on. We keep moving forward, we keep living our lives. I will live one day at a time, and see what happens. I'll pray that I can be a good wife and mother, friend and sister, by the grace of God. And I will remember that He is in control.

I will remember that no matter what, this fact remains:

God is good, all the time.

It's just a fact.

What it's all about.

What started out as a Facebook status update soon became the beginning of a blog post. So I have brought it here to share. Unfortunately, it's a bit long-winded, but please stick with me, I pray it will be worth the read.

Please pray with me for my friend and sister, Kari, and her family. This woman is one of my closest friends. She is like my sister, her husband is like my brother, we are like second moms to each others' kids. This family is our second family. Diagnosed in late September with aggressive stage 4 uterine cancer, she has been fighting hard for about 7 months now, and it looks as though the end is coming near. And we continue to pray. We pray for healing, for her family, for her to be comfortable, for so many things.

God *can* heal her, we know this is a fact, but will he choose to do so? Of course we selfishly pray for such a miracle. But regardless of how we feel about his plans, we know that they are perfect. He is perfect. He is the blessed controller of all things. His ways are not our ways. We know and trust that he has a perfect plan, and though we pray for healing, and trust that he can do it, we also know that he may not grant that prayer.

We trust in him, and even if we don't get the outcome that we really want, we will trust that he knows best. We will continue to tell ourselves that truth, even if we don't feel like believing it for a moment. Or for several moments. But we will come back to the truth. We'll be real, and because our human, sinful, selfish nature wants to be mad at him for letting this horrible thing happen to our friend, we will still trust in him and believe that he knows best and has our best interests at heart. We will come back to the truth. 

We could choose to spend our days full of sadness that we may soon lose a friend, but I'm not sure that's the way for us to glorify God in this situation. Feeling sad is fine, but I think we are supposed to also figure out what God is teaching us through this. He's been preparing us for this loss for months now, and has been teaching us how to be selfless and helpful and think of others through hard times.

He wants us to see the truth. The truth is this: our lives are but a whisper, a grain of sand, chaff in the wind. We are nothing; he is everything. We deserve hell; he has given us the gift of eternal life. The truth is, he loves us immensely. The truth is, he desires good things for us. The truth is, he is constantly teaching us, molding us, yearning for us to seek him. Our desire should be to become more like Christ through every. little. thing. that happens in our lives. There is no such thing as coincidence. Every moment of our lives, driven by the choices we make, are filtered through God's hands. He will not give us anything that he hasn't allowed to be in our lives.

So what do we do with this? What do *I* do with this? I can tell you what I have been doing with it. All the while praying for God to heal her, either completely or in part, I've been simultaneously mourning the loss of my sister. I've been trying to figure out whether or not that's complete trust in God, or whether it's simply allowing myself to cope. I think it's both. God knows my heart. He knows how much I trust in his miracles, his healing, and his love. He knows, so I really am not worried about what anyone else thinks about how I've been dealing with this. I just pray that in my sharing about it, I can help someone else cope. Even if just a little bit.

Here's the deal. God tells us not to worry. Philippians 4:6-7 have been verses I've strived to live by for almost 20 years now:
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

So I take my concern, lay it at the foot of the cross, let the blood of Jesus cover it, and I let. it. go. Of course there are times when that doesn't happen, let's be straight. I'm human, I make {many} mistakes, we all do. But when it comes to this, here's my mindset: I have been commanded not to worry. So I'm not going to spend my days being sulky, sad, mopey, grumpy (or any other dwarf), about this situation. I will mourn. I have mourned. I have moments of despair and sadness. But I will *not* let it bring me down permanently and cause me to believe that God has lost control of the situation.

**Nothing that has happened has been a surprise to God.** 

Satan wants me to believe the lies that I need to make this all about me. He wants sadness and despair to control my life. The blood of Jesus has given me power over those lies, and I will claim that. I will strive to be a positive example for my children, teaching them how to deal with the realities in life. It's ok to feel sad, and to cry, and to mourn, but it's not ok to let it control our lives. God is our refuge and strength, our ever-present help in times of trouble. (Psalm 46:1, most likely a combination of translations.) :)

So as I continue my mourning process, all the while praying for God to miraculously heal my sister so that she can continue carrying on the amazing life she has lead so far, I also continue trusting that God knows best. He *can* heal her, but if he chooses not to, I will trust that he knows what he's doing. No, I don't like it. I don't like the thought of losing a friend, a sister. I don't like the thought of my children losing a "second mom". I don't like the thought of her kids being left without their mom, or my brother without a wife. These people are family to us. And no matter how many times we try to tell ourselves that she'll be going to "a better place", we don't like it.

But, no matter how much I don't like it, my job is not dependent on whether I like what God does. My job, my main goal in life, is to glorify God. My life is supposed to glorify God. Does it glorify God if I'm sitting around, sulking, and selfishly believing lies? I think not. God is not glorified when we let our pride and selfishness rule us. So we trust Him, His power, His majesty, His mercy, His grace, everything that HE is, and we carry on. Blind faith, you say? Maybe. But I'd rather be led by God through blind faith than be led by anyone or anything else. 

Yep. I'm rambling again. It's gotta get out of my head somehow, and this is as good a place as any. I pray that you, the reader, will take something positive from my ramblings. Maybe you're where I am, and you're on the brink of the possibility of losing a loved one - the same one as me, or a different one. Maybe you don't know them, but can just pray for James and Kari's family, and for those of us who are in this situation.

Maybe you have other things that are more pressing in your life, and you'll find some encouragement here. And maybe you and God aren't on speaking terms lately. Whatever the case, I pray that you will see God's hand in your life, that you will see the difficulties in your life as God's way of attempting to bring you closer to him.
Because without him, you won't ever have true happiness or contentment, you'll always be searching for it.
Trust me, you won't find it any other way. If you don't believe me, try it. What have you really got to lose? 

This started out as a quick post to ask people to pray for my friend, and for my family and all of us going through this trial. But you know what? It's not about me. It's not about me at all. God wants me to share this with you, and he wants *you* to see his love for you. That's really what this whole thing is about. God uses stuff like this in our lives to point us to him. It's all about him. Our purpose in life? To Glorify God and Enjoy Him Forever. We glorify God by accepting his love, by sharing it with others, by being examples of his love to others.

This is what it's about.



If you're not familiar with my friend Kari's story, please see her CaringBridge site for more info and the latest updates. Please pray for her situation, especially her family, all of whom are so special to us.

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/KariPaskeBennett

Trials

I had a friend ask me a question today:

"Hey, I saw you tearing up while [a person in church] was talking about cancer, and I got a little concerned.  Is everything ok?"

How sweet of them to ask. That's what friends are for. Well, it wasn't the cancer topic so much as one of the things he said about it. He referred us to an article he had read by John Piper. I will link to the article at the end of the post. But basically, the gist was how we look at our trials. Do we look at them as a blessing or a curse? Are they ways we can glorify God or are they "one more thing to complain about"? I guess I realized just how thankful I am to God for what I have, for the trials that He has brought me though, and for the ones I don't have to go through right now. However, I know that any trial could be thrust upon me at any given time. I'm so very thankful for God's grace in my life. I pray that when I face trials (the "small" daily ones and the large ones as well), I will fully put my entire trust in God to bring me through it. Complete dependency on Him.

After he talked about that idea, we sang a song that I love - In Christ Alone. Without fail, I always tear up when we sing

"No power of hell, no scheme of man... could ever pluck me from His hand..."

Because those two things are our battles here (in this life). Often it's not directly satan or the forces of evil on this earth, it's also the schemes of man. Those schemes probably could be attributed to satan, but we don't always need to give him all the credit - sin [or our sinful nature] gets credit enough. And the schemes of man are not always meant to be schemes, often they are meant with good intentions. Many people know full well what I mean. You've been hurt by people, sometimes intentional, but very many times not intentional. And no matter the intention, it still hurts and it's still hard to deal with. But God is our Ultimate Healer. He is able to reconcile relationships, to heal physical and emotional wounds, by the power of the blood of Christ. Praise the Lord!!

Anyway, back to the song, I can rarely sing that line - start that line - and be able to finish it. I guess I'm so grateful for God's hand of mercy that always saves me from those two things.

So here are the song lyrics and the link to the article that was mentioned today by two people. Which means to me that it's important enough for me to remember.



Hope it helps you to remember too.




Note: This article can have meaning for anyone; not just cancer victims. Replace "cancer" for whatever trial you are going through. God allows us these trials so that we will depend on *only* Him for our way through it. He alone is our help and our shield.  (Psalm 33:20-22)



John Piper article: Don't waste your cancer





In Christ Alone

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
'Till on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost it's grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Brought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
'Till He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand

Join us for an evening of praise and worship with contemporary music. As you know if you've been to a worship night before, it's not actually a concert (if you've not been to one of our events, well, now you know). You are invited to worship *with* us. Our events are not about us, but they are about praising our God and King!

DOXA means Praise, Honor, Glory.

The purpose of our worship nights is to praise God with our gifts, to honor Him with our obedience, and to glorify Him with our worship.

We invite everyone to come and join us in worship through music! You will often hear an invitation to DOXA include the words "rockin' out for Jesus"!

Come join us as we honor God and glorify Him with our praise.

Date: Saturday, October 24, 2009
Time: 6:30pm - 8:00pm
Location: Quinault Baptist Church
5400 W Canal Dr
Kennewick, WA

Click here for the Facebook Event page!

Hope you can make it.

Priorities

2 Timothy 3:14-17 (New International Version)
14But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of, because you know those from whom you learned it, 15and how from infancy you have known the holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. 16All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, 17so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.
~~
2 Timothy 3:14-17 (New American Standard Bible)
14You, however, continue in the things you have learned and become convinced of, knowing from whom you have learned them,
15and that from childhood you have known the sacred writings which are able to give you the wisdom that leads to salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.
16All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness;
17so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work.
~~
2 Timothy 3:14-17 (New Living Translation)
14 But you must remain faithful to the things you have been taught. You know they are true, for you know you can trust those who taught you. 15 You have been taught the holy Scriptures from childhood, and they have given you the wisdom to receive the salvation that comes by trusting in Christ Jesus. 16 All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. 17 God uses it to prepare and equip his people to do every good work.


OK. So I can't sleep again until I write these thoughts down.

I have always liked comparing versions of the bible. I'm not going to get into the argument about what version is better than another. Not the point. And frankly not an argument worth arguing about, in my honest opinion. There are more important things on which to spend my time.
Such as: If the Word is inspired by God, and if the Word is used to teach me the Truth and to convict me of what is wrong in my life, why (WHY?!) am I not reading it constantly, so I will learn more Truth and so that I may find out more things about myself that must be changed so that I will become more like Christ? Why is this not one of my main priorities in life?
Why do I not hunger and thirst for it constantly? There are times that I do. But then, LIFE happens and I get off track. Which is another topic altogether, because I (my Self) get myself off track, and the enemy also pulls me off track. So I must don my spiritual armor and fight the good fight so that I will always hunger for the Word, instead of being led off the right path to hunger for lesser things.

But if I am off track, I must come back to what I know. I must remain faithful to Christ. He is my salvation. There is nothing else. How did I come to know Christ? Through His Word. He is the Living Word. The written form of the Living Word is how He is made clear to us, through the Holy Spirit. It's late, so I hope that made sense. ?? This Scripture with which we have come to know Christ was inspired by the Creator of the universe. By the Maker of all things. By our Father. It was "God-breathed". This God-breathed scripture is what teaches us right from wrong. It is used to teach us, convict us, correct us, to train us in righteousness so that we will become equipped for 'every good work'. When we aren't the person we know we should be, do we go directly to the Word, the God-Breathed, inspired Word of God? Or do we try to fix ourselves, by our own means? Do we go to a self help book, or a friend, or a counselor? Given, these things are all helpful, but let's get our priorities straight. MY Priorities straight. The Word should be first. It should come to my mind first. I should have His words in my heart because from the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks. I should go to The Word because THAT is what convicts, teaches, rebukes, trains. I should be studying what God tells me in it way more than I am. Therefore, I am currently convicted by the Word, which is, I'm sure the reason that God led me to these verses tonight. He knows my priorities aren't in the right place.

Lord, Thank you for your Word, for its power, its divinely inspired truths. I want to be faithful to what You have taught me. I thank you for the wisdom you have given me to understand your message of Salvation. I thank you for Jesus and that I can bring my burdens to the foot of the Cross, and I thank you for taking them on yourself. Lord, give me your power to fight the fight. Remind me to put on my armor and to always be ready for the enemy's attacks. Give me your power over my Self and selfish desires. Enable me to do Your work and give me strength for each task you put before me. The more I read Your Word, the more I desire You. I wish I could more elequently state how much I desire to please You and to know You.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Now what I really need to do is stop staying up so late. I need to go to bed earlier, get up earlier, read and write in the morning, or write during the day, and then stop the cycle of not being able to sleep at night for all the thoughts running around in my head.
And I'll have to check back tomorrow to see if any of this makes sense.

We'll see. And no comments allowed today on punctuation, grammar, or spelling. It's late.

Rambling

Wow. It's been a while. And I'm not even sure why I'm writing tonight except for the fact that I feel like writing. I really should be heading to bed. However, it seems like every time I go to bed (especially when I try to go to bed early) I can't sleep for all the thoughts bouncing around inside my head. It wouldn't seem like there would be all that much room in there with all the voices, but apparently there's enough to share.

I enjoy writing. It works better for me than talking, since I can get my thoughts out on "paper", see them, and then retype them to sound better. It's like an "inner monologue" that I can read and edit instead of saying stupid stuff. (To anyone who really knows me...you know the drill. You understand that it's way better that I write it instead of trying to get my thoughts to come out of my mouth correctly. See? This is where I need God soooo desperately when talking to people. Or talking at all.) So, ordinarily I type stuff on the computer, save it for another time, re-read it another day, edit it, maybe post it someday on a blog, not expecting anyone to read it or even care. So tonight, instead, I'm just going to put my thoughts out here.

Cut to the chase. God has been telling me for some time that I am a coward. Not that I realized it, and He didn't come right out and say it, but in subtle ways over the past month or two, I have gotten that message. I was thinking the other day that I live in a pretty sheltered bubble. I have friends from church, mainly, that I am in contact with most. Other than that, it's the occasional smile at a person in the grocery store (usually I ignore people, not purposely, it's just because I'm in my own little world and sticking to my list), or a wave at a new neighbor, since it's not warm enough outside for people to be venturing out much.

So I realized the other day that I rarely talk to people that don't have Jesus in their life, and if I ever do talk to moms in the girls' school classes, or anyone else, it's small talk and you don't ever get down to deep subjects like salvation. So why is that? Why is it, that something that important in life (and beyond!) is so unimportant to me - or seemingly so?

Since I'm sure I'm not the only one that God has talked to about this subject, I'm going to go ahead and speak (ok, write) as if you are part of this whole thing too. So...I ask again... Why is it, that something that important in life (and beyond!) is so unimportant to US - or seemingly so?

Well, I guess it's because we're cowards and don't want to come out and ask someone if they know the Lord or ask them if they realize that their "faith" is counterfeit, or that they're brainwashed and following a cult? OK. That's harsh, I know it can be nicer or more subtle than that. But does it have to be? I'm just saying. Jesus wasn't always super nice, he was sowing seeds in some crazy places and was ridiculed - and He told us that the same thing would happen to us. IF we are actually doing His work. Are we? Seriously, why is it that we don't come right out and talk about something so important? I guess it's because we don't want to rock the boat. "I don't want to judge them." "I don't want to seem like I'm pushing my religion on them." " I don't want to be judgmental, but..." "I don't want to offend anyone." I'm not making those up. If you haven't thought one of those recently, either you're seasoned at evangelism or you're lying to yourself, or maybe you also live in your own little bubble.

OK. Here's the deal. Again, if you know me at all, you know that I do not believe in coincidences. God is in control and whatever happens to us is filtered through His hands and He has allowed things to happen in our lives for certain reasons. If I say that I believe this about "coincidence", then I am contradicting myself if I do not take every opportunity He gives me.

If I am sitting in McDonald's talking to a mom from school while our kids are playing on the playground thingy, and if I don't show Jesus to her, somehow, then I have wasted that opportunity. [Keep in mind here that I still feel like a coward as I write this. I have no idea what I would have said to that mom, I just know that I needed to say something, and God would have given me the words, if I'd let Him have the chance.] How many wasted opportunities have we all experienced? How many of those opportunities can we NOT waste tomorrow?

So there we have it...more ramblings. It's how I roll. Bottom line: I need to quit making excuses for not sharing the Gospel. I am not ashamed of the Gospel of Christ! I need to tell people about it and not worry about what people think of me. I can post my blogs or whatever online, and not worry what other people think of me. I can sing praises to the Lord and not be ashamed for showing emotion, for being exuberant, for being excited about Jesus. I can be a witness, in line at the grocery store, or online on a message board. I don't care if someone doesn't agree with me. It's my opinion, right?

Well, actually, it's the Truth. Jesus.

Jesus said, "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No one comes to the Father but through me."
John 14:6

So there you have it.