We were talking about how she doesn't have to be "that" kid - the "teenager" with attitude... she can be an adolescent young woman with a heart for God and a desire to do the right thing, not just have a desire to be cool or have the newest "stuff" or the coolest clothes or whatever the "thing" may be.
She was telling me that most of the time when she starts to have a disobedient or unhealthy attitude, and I tell her she needs to change her attitude (we even have a code word that sometimes just makes her laugh), she often does the typical "huff", and then after being alone for a minute, she said she feels guilty and realizes that I was right; she needed to change her attitude. We talked some more, and I asked her to let me know after she comes to that realization - telling me how she felt, asking forgiveness if necessary - so she can practice *now* being repentant towards God and whomever else she wronged. If she practices that now, then it will be easier in a year or two when she's actually a "teenager". [Ok, Soapbox...by the way, I can't stand that word - at least how it's used now. "Oh, you have *teenagers*? I'm so sorry..." or whatever it is people say. It's really kind of unfair to the kids when they're pretty much typecast into having an attitude problem. Kids don't *have* to be that way. (stepping off soapbox now)]
Anyway, after our little talk, she said the following (it's the basic idea, I am not good at remembering actual words):
Disobedience is like smoking.
When you smoke, you're putting bad stuff into your lungs and they turn black, and sometimes it's hard to stop doing it. People know it's bad for them, but they just can't stop.
Disobedience is something you do and it makes your heart turn black, and you know it's wrong but it's really hard to stop, even though you know it's not right.
How wise our young ones are, if only we take the time to listen to them.
[Thank you God for my babies...
may I be less selfish and more open to what they have to say.]
OK. I'm commenting on my own blog post but only because I thought my friends' comments were pretty cool. I don't have room for them all, but I'm just posting a few comments here from Facebook so that I can look back on them sometime if I want to.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I'm posting some of them because one of my friends who posted went home to Jesus two days after he left this comment - my friend Duane Brownlee (a.k.a. Rivian Warder below). So I was feeling sentimental and wanted to save his comment. Call me sappy. Go ahead.
Here are some of the comments...
Dellaina Gruver Holland
Smoking also harms the people around you. No smoker can avoid sharing their fumes. ;-)
Excellent note, Tami. Excellent!
May 12 at 7:48am ·
Rivian Warder
I have a Teenager, and as I am quick to share she is the most incredible person I know. our relationship is fantastic! she is willing to share her life with me, and tells me whats going on, and is willing to listen to what advice I have.
She does not always use my advice. and i must be willing to help her make wise decisions but let her choose, and be there to help pick up the pieces if she chooses unwisely.
Her room is her "Safe" place where she can say "anything." (she has been mad enough to even cuss and swear at times) God has given me the gift of being an actor, I have my "Friend" cap where I listen as a "Friend who has been there before" not as "Dad" She knows she can share with me anything with no consequences from "Dad". it is not always easy to see your kid head down a path that will lead to hurt, tell them your advice and what you see, then watch them keep going on their path... Just continue to be there, and as they share the hurts they will see that their way might not be the best way, and might start to choose differently.
This is my view on how I have the relationship with my teen but maybe she will comment on this post and be able to share her point of view on how we got this relationship and what she feels parents can do or not do to help keep a good relationship with their "Teenager".
Anything to add Jordan? ... hehehe {:oP
May 12 at 7:49am ·
Jordan Brownlee
heehee smooth one dad...
WOW go Emma! That girl has some great things going for her. You are doing a great job as her mom I'd like to say first. And yes you can be a *teenager* and have fun AND still follow God. For me I have an amazing relationship with my dad and I'm not afraid to stand up and say no (I've said no about a lot in the past week) I would totally keep up doing what you doing Tami! :) I found it SOOO helpful that when dad would give me advice I didn't HAVE to follow it ((even though I should have)) he's not forcing me to do something and I don't get yelled at when I try my way. I've also found really helpful is like dad said he does have that actors cap and I can say I wanna talk to my friend and I can talk about boys or whatever and I won't get that normal "daddy's thoughts" I can get a friends thoughts without the immaturity. ... Man the train left the station. I totally forgot the rest of what else I was gonna say. Well then I guess I'll leave with that said. ha
My last thing would be for Emma just to keep her eyes towards God all threw her teen years. Teen years can be good fun, bad fun, or you could be in trouble the whole time. Keep her head on straight don't be afraid to say no, but that doesn't need to really be said you doing a great job as mom.
ps: boys at this age ((13-16 I'd go higher in age but I haven't gotten there yet)) SUCK. They can be great friends but horid boyfriends... Its totally not worth it right now. :)
May 12 at 10:29am ·
Jordan Brownlee
Thank you Dellaina. :) I don't know where I'd be without my dad. He's the man in my life right now. haha
yeah dating right now is a bunch of un-needed drama/tears/sadness/anger/yeah I can't thing of another thing. haha
May 12 at 1:08pm ·